Why I Write

I think it’s safe to say that we all get sad every now and then. Even on a good day, there’s always that one thing that somewhat ruins it. It’s the same with a week, or a month, or a year. Along the way, there’s always a time where life decides to be a bitch on steroids and suddenly makes you feel like you can’t go on.

At least, that’s how it is for me. I’ve always been an introvert. I don’t like being in big groups of people; I hate crowds (I hate concerts, for one); and I would always just stay in the sidelines listening to conversations, speaking just once or twice or not at all. And every now and then, when I suddenly fall silent like that, my mind always takes me to the things that have never failed to make me feel sad–my father, for one; failing classes; my flaws. They just keep resurfacing, no matter how many times I try to push them away.

I’ve always been a fairly happy person, but I also carry things that weigh me down.

I suspect it’s the same for any of you and if it isn’t, then you’re lucky, but in any case, what I really wanted to say is that it’s okay to be sad. It’s normal. It’s human. It’s not something you can just “turn off,” and it’s definitely not something that disappears when someone tells you to “choose to be happy.”

It’s not as simple as that. It’s never as simple as that.

I’ve yet to discover how to really deal with this emotional baggage that drags me down, because no matter how many times I tell myself that these things shouldn’t matter, they never really leave my thoughts.

So far, however, I’ve come up with a way to deal with them: I write.

I think that’s pretty much obvious since that’s basically pretty much all I do. I’ve started keeping a journal. It’s not filled with day-to-day entries, but I write in it when  I feel like I have something to write. Writing helps me sort my thoughts out, seeing the words on ink and paper, somewhat tangible and far organized from the mess that is my mind.

Aside from that, the stories I write have helped me too. I almost always add some family complication, as well as character flaws that resemble my flaws, and when the main character resolves these complexities, I feel like I’m getting closer to solving the issues I also have to deal with. Like their journey becomes mine too and the lessons they learn are lessons I’ve learned too.

It’s not a foolproof way to make the sadness go away, but so far, it’s helped me a lot, and I’m pretty sure writing had helped a lot of other people as well.

I’m not saying you also have to write. What I’m saying, however, is that you need to realize that distracting yourself from your unhappy thoughts is not the right thing to do. You shouldn’t just push them away (like I normally have done over the years). You shouldn’t do something just so you can “get your mind off things.” Doing so will never guarantee you genuine happiness.

Instead, try to think about them real hard. Try to magnify them, to bring them closer. Acknowledge them, accept them, understand them so you know how you can resolve them. Don’t just keep them bottled up to pretend that you’re happy, else you will never be truly happy.

It’s okay to be sad. What’s not okay is to pretend you’re not when you are.

I don’t know how to really deal with the problems that continue to bug me, but I do know that running away from them is never going to solve anything,

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2 thoughts on “Why I Write

  1. It’s so good to have someone relate you. You’re so amazing and it’s really insane how you can’t see that.
    Thank you for this. It was quite needed today.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sam.

    Like

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