Okay so maybe it’s not really that quick. If you’ve read my first post, then you would already know this, but if you haven’t, then here goes: The Heartbroken Heartbreaker (insert me cringing at the incredibly stupid title my younger self came up with) will (hopefully) be published by Pop Fiction next year. (If I don’t manage to mess the deal up, of course. Hahaha.)
I first started writing THH as an experiment. I never really expected I would ever finish it because I was never serious about writing it at first. It was only two years after I first published the first chapter did I actually realize that a lot of people were reading it (I don’t even know how you guys haven’t plucked your eyes out yet) and decided to finish writing it.
Still, I was only writing it for the sake of getting it done for the readers. I felt like I owed you (and yes, I really do owe you) at least a decent ending.
Case in point, though, this is an opportunity I never really thought would ever come my way, so I am incredibly excited and scared at the same time.
WHAT NOW?
I have constantly told everyone that I, to be perfectly honest, think THH sucks. Or, at the very least, it doesn’t deserve even half the recognition it had gotten so far. I’ve been given six months to pass the manuscript and even though I could pass it as it is now, I refuse to do so—not until I edit it.
I’m not even talking about that surface editing on typos and grammar errors; I’m planning on rewriting at least the first half of it and heavily revising a lot of the scenes. The general story will remain the same—I don’t intend to change the story’s essence in any way—but I will work on refining the language and making the scenes more realistic. At the moment, it all seems pretty childish to me.
Even now, I already know that some of you might try to talk me out of revising the story, but I stand by what I think I should do to make it better. It’s not even a matter of satisfying the readers, at this point, but more about giving myself the satisfaction of the knowledge that I did my best to make it worthy of getting published.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP ME
Okay. So here’s the thing: I know I said I’m editing it more for myself than the readers, but that doesn’t mean I value your opinions less. I hate editing. I absolutely, definitely, completely fucking hate it. Still, I can’t bring myself to send in this half-assed manuscript of THH that I have. I am opening myself to your suggestions.
If anything, I hope you can comment below and tell me:
- Which parts of the story do you think should I keep as they are?
- Which parts of the story do you think should I remove completely?
- Which parts of the story do you think should I keep and edit?
- What do you think are the three major flaws of the story in terms of plot?
- What do you think are the three major flaws of the story in terms of its writing?
I know you guys probably don’t have time to actually answer these, but insert me giving you the puppy-dog eyes here because I really do genuinely want to know how you guys would edit THH if you were given the chance to do so. 🙂
(Perhaps the one who gives me the most constructive answers will have the chance to win a signed copy of the book? HAHAHAHAHAHA then again, though that’s still soooooooo far off the future, but still.)
frustration personified 
Oh gosh. That’s such a hard question considering that I think everything about that story is perfect. But, if given the chance, I think in the beginning you should give more character to Seth. It seems like he just kind of comes out of nowhere with only the description that he’s hated. But either way, I love the story even the heartbreaking ending.
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I think the ending was perfect. Maybe not what we wanted, but great closure. But just a bit more detail, and tell us what happens with Sarah!
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Here u go with the criticism ——- [not rly into criticizing, but if THH is getting published, then i am definitely gonna help u make it better]
so…. the first half of the book has way more flaws than the end. towards the latter half, it becomes mature and beautiful, but in the starting it sounds rushed.
where do i think it’s rushed????
here it goes–
1. the prologue is unnecessary. the way u concluded the prologue is good, but before that too much pretty writing for absolutely nothing. u shud make it more narrative n more closely linked to the end of the prologue OR it’s not required at all.
but i suggest u dont remove it, but just alter it completely BUT along the same lines.
back then, u didnt know the story. now, u have finished writing it n u DO know the story. so, think of the whole story again. her growth, the changes, her first love, then seth, then too many complications and ultimately her emergence from the start to the end as a completely mature person with mature thoughts who is ready to give things a new go, a new perspective, a new chance at friendships, etc. the entire personality change from the person she was in the starting n the person she was in the end. so, the prologue can be along the lines of how some experiences are bad, hard, difficult but one day, u r thankful u had that rough time because without it, u wudnt have had a complete personality flip for the better. [it is highly realistic too. happened with me, one of my best friends, many other ppl. the connection with the prologue will be there]
2. i dont remember that much of the story in the starting but i remember at the time of reading the book, her sudden urge to kiss ppl was highly weird. i cant imagine a nice, sweet, innocent girl with one boyfriend who she thought was the love of her life…. how that girl can kiss others right after their break up. the first one at the beach was fine. u can probably edit it a bit to make her sound more bitter n angry n also highly disgusted when she was kissing the stranger. BUT, after that in the bars n stuff…. nope. a heart break does not justify her acting as a total slut. lower down the thoughts, her willingness and rewrite it differently.
the tears part where i think u mentioned that cedric/ no one watched her cry n then in latter chapters mentioned how seth was there… THAT IS PERFECT. things do happen like that. in the latter chap, where kyla gets to know that seth saw her cry n hence, he wanted to help her…. i think there, u shud add kyla’s recollection of the incident [i dont remember if u actually did add it or not…]
3. SETH. his entry was justified later. but before that how she thought he was a tool, easy to get, his reaction of her having accepted to come to his party, n then their make out session [tho he was supposed to have understood her pain during the break up at the beach, as he stated later that he saw himself in her….] n then his sudden care. n kyla’s sudden acceptance…
it is all too sudden n not in a flow.
build more on their friendship in the starting time instead of just jumping into it.
4. CEDRIC. when she finds out about his cancer…. it’s all good. but before that when cedric n that other best friend of hers….. who knew about his cancer….
the girl shud have tried to keep kyla’s n cedric’s friendship intact. a genuine try right after the break up. that wud be realistic. instead of her just being mentioned.
5. that girl behind seth who was his friend’s sister… n then whatevr u wrote about seth n that other girl [not juliet!! that friend’s sister chick who was a bitch] i didnt like it much. consider editing…. i cant point out what i dint like exactly, but that part just didnt ‘HIT’ me the way all the other parts did.
anyways, changes only here according to me. the rest is perfect. i dont think any change is required in the ending part… it is too perfect. heartbreaking, beautiful, n liberalizing at the same time. the end especially… when seth comes back.. IT IS TOO PERFECT. when he leaves was great. those bittersweet moments shud b the way they r cuz the words, scenes, flow, n character developments were too good. very real. very true.
that pretty much sums it all up.
so, in simple ways:
1. keep the parts where seth talks of sam, his family, his one true love as it is. with kyla, keep her father, mom, her dealing with her dating, her thoughts on seth later… the ending part… keep them the way they r.
2. the parts u shud remove completely… i am in no position to say which part. it is up to u but personally, i enjoyed every bit after the day she met seth at the party [after the day. not the party itself cuz it wasnt that good n it was sudden, as i said earlier]
3. keep n edit… i wrote down those parts in the long writing above. all of that.
4. in terms of plot… kyla meeting seth. the start of their friendship. kyla’s shift from good girlfriend to school slut. seth being a dick n then suddenly caring. [the last point makes sense tho taking into consideration that kyla didnt know him at all b4… but make her realize it with time]
those r the only places. again, sam, family, seth’s love, the end… NO CHANGE THERE AS THEY R PERFECT.
5. terms of writing… seth and that bitch scenes [his friend’s sis who kept flirting with him n gave kyla the stink eye the first time she went to that friend’s house… i think that friend’s name was lily… so lily’s sis…]
the rest… ur writing is brilliant, deep, thoughtful, and HIGHLY MATURE WITH A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS. i wud have hated the buk cuz of its end but ur writing style made me love it. i realized that the book ending with them greeting each other after ages IS THE PERFECT ENDING. readers can fantasize. u have an open thread that u can weave into a sequel later if ur book becomes bestseller.. or… it just remains an unsolved mystery of fiction which still looks solved to many!
so ya… diplomatic ending… BUT BEAUTIFUL ENDING PERFECT ENDING. NO CHANGES THERE CUZ UR WRITING IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE BOOK WAS PERFECT, MESMERIZING, PLAIN BEAUTIFUL! ❤
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“not justify her acting as a total slut.” kissing random people doesn’t make you a slut it makes you human, it’s human nature to make dumb mistakes when going through things like heartbreak. Yes this is fiction, but slut shaming is wrong and disgusting… even if you’re talking about characters in a book.
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I just finished reading THH and at first I expected it to be a cliché story where the main character finds her happy ending, like many stories on Wattpad, my expectations were blown away. I personally love how you have your story right now, because it’s realistic. The ending is perfect by the way, because it’s realistic and I know you have heard this many times before, but you are an amazing writer! And although this is cheesy, I hope you can add this accomplishment to your sky of bright, (and dim) stars.
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I think the ending was okay but I kind of HAD wished that you’d give us more hints about what would happen. But I guess that everything happens for a reason, right? I read it a long time ago lol (did you know you ended the book on my birthday? July 20th?) and then I immediately started re-reading it because I was SOOO confused. I mean why would you end it like that? But then I started to see that it wasn’t the point. This was the ending. If you change the ending, or assure everyone that they got back together, everything would have changed. It didn’t seem like you were trying super hard to be different and not get them back together. If you read Chapstick, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I hated the ending. It had no meaning. I felt like the author just wanted to be like “oh, i’m so different!”. SHE WAS TRYING TOO HARD. I loved the book and still re-read it sometimes.
I just want to know what happened with Sarah, because I mean, that’s sort of a hanger that you gave us there! No, I don’t want a sequel because I think that the book alone is awesome. Don’t be like the Imperial Affliction! (See my reference there? haha) Basically, you need to give details about that.
I think the book was pretty good, but of course, you might want to fix some gramatic errors. BUT DON’T CHANGE THE PART WHERE HER MOM FOUND SETH IN HIS SUPERMAN BOXERS IN HER ROOM! THAT PART WAS MY FAVE PART AND IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER!!!!
Cedric, in fact, was my favorite character. I loved him to the end and literally bawled when he died. Even when he broke up with her, even though I was still Team Seth, I wanted Cedric and Kyla to remain friends. (it was before I found out he had cancer)
I liked the book, and it did NOT seem childish at all. I loved it all. This comment is getting wayyyyy too long so I’m gonna go now lol.
Byeee!!!
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OMG IM SO HAPPY. Of course I would love it if the story stays the same as it is, but if it could be better if you edit it, why not? 🙂
1. I think the ending is beautiful, even though it’s not what a lot of people wanted, but I think it should stay the way it is 🙂
2. Um I think everything in the story is perfect haha and it’s all needed for this whole plot to develop for how Seth and Kyla ended up :”)
3. Oh god your questions are getting harder. I think Cedric’s death (or to-be-death) played a big part in this whole plot so I think you should keep it! God, you have no idea how much you made me cried.
4. Uh, the whole story only get really exciting (not that I mind Seth & Kyla’s fluffy moments) after chapter 30 when Ced asked Kyla to forget him. So I think maybe plot wise, there could be a little twists and turns or something exciting in between the story. OK FORGET I SAID THAT HAHA. damn idk just do what you like, really 🙂 It’s your storyyyyy ❤
5. I think your writing is beautifulllll even if you deny that. I really love how you write everything so vividly and I LOVE YOUR POEMS. No kidding, I would really love it if you could include more of your abstract wonderful poems ❤ omg it turned out to be the total opposite of the question i'm answering. oops.
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Okay first off… I LOVE your story. I remember anticipating every stinking chapter and waiting up all night reading it again and waiting until I get the long awaited notification. It truly is amazing. I don’t think its stupid. At. All. I actually love the title too its just really catchy and goes with her character she changed into during the beginning. Or her appearance to others may I say, she still remained the heartbroken girl she was. I personally love all parts and everything in this book. It is amazing. But if there were to be changes, I agree with almost all of what Sucheta said. I would like to ask when you do edit it could you please leave the original as is on Wattpad? That would be wonderful! Of course it’s your decision to make though. I love, absolutely LOVE THH so whatever you do with it Im sure it’ll turn out amazing. You’ve got my purchase no matter what.
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Oh yeah also I really do love your poems too.
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I’m going to skip to two so…
2. Scrap the prologue completely. It’s supposed to fit in with the story line, give a glimpse into what is going to come and it doesn’t do that. The first time he sleeps over at her house, not very rellevent to anything. Basically any and all fillers. My advice, write and plan each chapter with what will happen. I’m not saying scrap what you have but you know in primary school when teachers made you write narratives and you needed to plan your Orientation, series of events and conclusion? You need to do that for each of your chapeters. When you come across a chapter that isn’t relevant to the storyline, take it out!
3. Basically any part about Sarah in the beginning. Also any drunk par I. The first half and parts of the second half. When Seth and Kyla blow up age each other with the party with that Lily chick, redo that part.
4. Way too many fillers. Sarah.
5. Too many grammer mistakes, just silly things like writing things in brackets when they don’t need to be or putting “I love him”! Instead of “I love him!”
I do really love this story, I really do. You can also go onto one of the wattpad clubs and find an editors thread.
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Tbh, I already did that (scrap those parts I mean) in the new story map I made a few days ago. :)) thanks though haha
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I think that Kyla crying when Seth kept her out the car was a bit surprising but needs revising.
Hail’s real name is never mentioned in the book.
I think there should be flashbacks of kyla, cedric and hail’s friendship coz we find all the gory details in the latter half of the book.
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I would love that you write a second part of THH because Im in love with it and maybe that seth and cedric have a talk and forgive themselves before cedric is dead or maybe that cedric dont die
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I personally think you should mention past memories or flashbacks of kyla, cedric, and hail’s friendship bc we don’t exactly know much on how close they were, as well as the meaningful connection it was technically supposed to have. I think you should keep the part when seth and kyla blow up on each other at the party thing with that one girl, although you should have them talk more or idk i loved the story entirely so idek what I’m saying right now. i think cedric must die and the ending should not change at all. But, I think you should change the prologue and the beginning a few ways. I think they should have a little more discussion or at least become acquaintances before there entire fling goes on. With that being said, DONT CHANGE THE TITLE. all in all, this was definitely one of my favorite and the best book i have ever read in my life, so im very excited!
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hi sammmm!! (this answers may seem a little off judging but i promise you, im not.)
Which parts of the story do you think should I keep as they are? CEDRIC DYING! i know, i know, but cedric is perfect as fuck and i couldn’t help but be dazed that he’s dead, but people die, maybe not physically but mentally but for cedric, it was actually going to hit us right there, a big yellow school bus passing over our heads. CEDRIC WAS KNOWN TO DIE. like who wouldn’t die of cancer?
Which parts of the story do you think should I remove completely? Well, actually, i rewind thh in my mind i realize everything was placed like a stacked up books and when your favorite one is just down below, everything will fall, so basically, nothing. remove NO THING.
Which parts of the story do you think should I keep and edit? keep the ending, but make more longer and more helpful ways so people wont forget thh, like, a longer metaphor of some unsuckish writing, some packed up flashbacks or something, but the ending was perfect anyways. Second, i think you should keep the part where kyla was there in the
What do you think are the three major flaws of the story in terms of plot? well, the part where the whole gang was in the park and ky and seth were in the ferris wheel. Ferris wheel is a really common most used place for couples and idk but a teacup is much cuter haha. another one is nicole, ugh, nicole should show up and bash everything in her way again, but no, um, nicole was simply a side character and not a villain in the story. lastly, the whole sam thing in the cabin point, where it was snowing. seth could maybe at least drop hints about sam but never mentioned her.
What do you think are the three major flaws of the story in terms of its writing? actually your writing is perfect. though, maybe a more deeper word when inside kyla’s mind, while when kyla was talking it’s just a light-headed things she say. this is one of the main reasons why i HATE tfios, i may seem IN LOVE with it but no, im not, tfios is just simply a scripted story based on it’s plot. Like “i am in love with you, and i know this love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable, but i am in love with you” like who would say that when they’re just teens (or pretending to be?) like does the word “inevitable” “oblivion” and “void” go right in your mind when you talk to the girl you love? well, for me, not.
-ingrid
p.s. it’s raining ruby here, sam, hbu?
12/9/14
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